Health Scares Part II

Well, today is the day. A. is, at this moment, at Faxton Hospital in Utica undergoing another mammogram to see what this "spot of density" is on her left breast. I am on campus, in between classes, so I am unable to be with her right now. this is so nerve-wracking. i had trouble sleeping last night because i was worrying about the results. i also had difficulties sleeping because it upsets me to know how worried she is, and how stressful this whole situation is for her. i hate seeing someone i love more than any other human on the planet upset. i want to make everything okay for her. i wish i had the power to make the world perfect for her. this entire week has been clouded by health scares - reminders of mortality, and the ever-present condition of change.

yesterday, i went to the doctor for a physical - my first in about 20 years. i havent' had health insurance for a long, long time so i haven't done preventative care. also, i flat-out don't like doctors, and hate being inspected and prodded. but i'm 40. now is the time do get healthy, and to be concerned about one's health. so, i opened myself up for inspection yesterday at the hands of one thorough, clinical doctor named diane cavellaro. she poked, she prodded, she inspected and examined. she gave me a breast exam that hurt like hell. her bony little fingers digging deeper and deeper into my breasts. ouch, sweetie, ouch. her pelvic exam wasn't bad at all until she started pushing down on my ovaries. again, her bony little fingers are tremendous weapons. because my left ovary was overly painful to the touch i have to have an ultra sound done to make sure everything is okay. i'm not too worried though because i think this is just dr. caverllaro being thorough.

anyway, i left her office feeling really worked over and my breasts and ovaries ached for the rest of the day. now i just hope everything is okay with anne. as i said in my previous post on health, breast cancer is overwhelmingly present in her family, and as a result she is very fearful of getting it. i hope everything will be okay, because i'm simply not prepared for any other alternative.

jb