Brokeback Mountain and Other Stuff

i've been busy as hell this year, or this month, i should say. i have had several "assignments" i've had to complete: a book review for environmental ethics, syllabi proposal for the environmental studies dept. and an article that needed to be revised for submission to pennsylvania history: mid-atlantic studies journal. the past couple of days i have been relaxing and doing recreational reading. as some of you know, i made a new year's resolution to read more novels in 2006, so i am a quarter of the way into my first one: zadie smith's on beauty. so far I'm not sure what all the hype is about. This book is so unspectacular.

what else have i been up to? i managed to watch 3 films this week: the squid and the whale, junebug, and finally, brokeback mountain. enjoyed all of them tremendously. last night we saw brokeback mountain, and i'm still reeling. it has left me with such a profound sense of meloncholia. it's a very moving film, and i think some of the hype is deserved. it is essentially a movie about love, longing and loss. it portrayed the frustrations, secrecy and silences of gay love/life really well. i cried like a baby in that film. it is so fucking sad. i wonder, do you have to be gay to fully appreciate or "get" the point of this movie? or is its themes universal enough to appeal to a wide audience? are people left with the message that heteronormativity, its exclusions and requirements make it difficult if not impossible for other types of love and relationships to be fully realized? is this critique of heterosexism apparant?

i would love to talk to other people who have seen this movie - gay and straight. as a queer woman watching this, i could relate to the frustrations of not being able to express such deep, emotional feelings of love to other people, to a world that prohibits them. i could also relate to the frustrations involved in being closeted ( most gay people have been at one time or another), and to the uncertain, scary feelings of having an attraction that you know is not acceptable. some people want to deny it, suppress it, make it go away etc. and this was seen particulary in the character of ennis in this film. i could also relate to the lies, secrecy, and obfuscations associated, to a certain degree, with gay life. we are terrific at avoidance, cover-ups, and outright lying. because of heteronormativity we have to be, and these are lessons that we learn almost unconsciously. so, some aspects of this movie were very gay specific, while others were not. most everyone, gay or straight, knows what its like to love someone deeply, to long for them, and the pain of losing them. these are the universal themes. and this movie is very popular, undoubtedly appealing to a large audience - gay and straight.

i was struck by the reactions of the crowd. we went to the 7:00 showing last night (tuesday) and the theatre was half to three quarters full. during the first sex scene of the movie, some twit in the front row was laughing. puh-leeze. gay sex is just so fucking comical, isn't it? that pissed me off. also, at some intimate moments, people gasped. and finally, some people cried. but the laughing and gasping made me angry - those reactions are offensive. what they say is that gay life, love, and sex is a fucking joke, and is utterly shocking. to me, straight sex is comical and repulsive but i don't laugh or murmer in disgust when i watch movie upon movie with scenes of naked straight people fucking. i wish hets would extend me the same courtesy, but, alas, many of them are ignorant twits.

the crowd reaction, while irritating, also made me realize that we need more films like this. we need more representation period. gay people have to be openly out, and artists need to explore gay themes more. our lives have to become normalized because they are, indeed, normal.

more later, i'm off to enjoy some of the australian open.

jb

Hello 2006

"So this is the New Year. And I don't feel any different."

Thus begins the first song on Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism. And this is how I feel at the start of 2006. Another year down, and a new one begins.

I'm just happy 2005 is over. Personally, this was the worst year in recent memory. Lots of accidents, tragedies, changes, disappointments, and yes, even betrayals. It was the worst of times. Good fucking riddance 2005.

I have greater hopes for 2006, and already it is off to a better start. Here is my ubiquitous New Year's Resolution List, in no particular order.

1. Be more selective in my choice of friends. In 2005 I learned some hard, painful lessons about friendship. Lessons that literally brought me to my knees. This year I want to nurture my existing friendships and to be more cautious with who I spend time with, and who I let into my life.

2. Read more books. I realized that last year I read very few books. I don't have an exact count, but I probably read only 10-15 books in 2005. This year my goal is to read 25 at least.

3. Continue my workouts. In 2004 I made a New Year's resolution to incorporate exercise in my lifestyle. I want to continue this in 2006.

4. I want to have a good draft of my entire book completed by year's end.

5. Call my family more, especially my mother.

6. Do more traveling. This year we have trips to England, Ireland, Washington D.C, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Florida and West Virginia already planned. I also want to go to Montreal, and of course N.Y.C. when time and money permit.

7. Be more gregarious. This is really hard for me. I'm not anti-social or shy, but I've always been more of a listener and observer in social situations. So, my goal is to talk more, perhaps even monopolizing conversations in social engagements this year.

8. Get a tattoo. I'm scared of the pain involved, but I really want a tattoo. 2006 is the year for this.

9. Attend more Unitarian Church services. I always enjoy them when I go, but damn, that 10:30 start time on a Sunday morning is hard sometimes - especially if your Saturday night has been fun.

10. Continue with home improvement. There are so many things that could be changed in this old, Jacksonian era house. All we need is time and money. I want to do a few more changes to the house this year.

11. Be a better marriage partner. This one is always on my list. Over the past 9 years I have made a lot of positive changes, but there is always room for improvement.

That's it. Here's to 2006.........

jb