Falling Leaves and Home Ownership

here I am living my life as a property-owning, middle-class, middle-aged woman. I have a mortgage, home owner's insurance, title insurance, home repairs and lots of leaves in my 1+ acre-sized backyard. how the hell did i get here? how did an appalachian born and bred-coal-miner's daughter-last of 6 children-never earned more than 15 grand a year- become part of the landed gentry with all the comforts and burdens of owning and maintaining property? one simple answer: marriage. not legally, of course, for obvious reasons, but i sometimes tease a. by reminding her that i, unlike her, married up.

so today, i'm standing in my back yard raking leaves and leaves and leaves accompanied by the sound of my neighbor's leaf-blowing machine. feeling a mixture of disgust and envy, i cursed him all afternoon. disgust because i'm sickened by all the home-owning gadgets out there (ostensibly designed to lessen the work involved in home maintenence) targeting property-owning middle-class people like myself. it's a materialism spinning out of control. you buy a house and suddenly you need extension ladders, landscaping tools, riding lawnmowers, snow-blowers, and yes, leaf-blowers. life was so much more simple when i rented shitty apartments. but i was also envious of my neighbor because my arms and back were aching with only a small amount of the leaf-removal process completed. i wanted that damn leaf-blower, and wondered how much the fuckers cost and if they were powered by electricity or gas. And i hated myself, feeling lazy and materialistic, for even entertaining the thought of getting one. so, i'm conflicted about my status in life. i love owning a home, being able to do what the hell i want to it, and having lots of space to tumble around in. but i hate feeling like the middle-class person i've become who wants leaf and snow blowers, and riding lawnmowers. oy vey.

jb